Arrr! It be that time again!

[Bocaj Claw]

<!--emo&:lol:--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... /laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' /><!--endemo-->

[Miles E Traysandor]

<!--QuoteBegin-Tom Flapwell+Sep 20 2005, 09:50 AM--> <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'><b>Quote:</b> (Tom Flapwell @ Sep 20 2005, 09:50 AM)</td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> There should be a similar keyboard for Santa Claus, only replacing the R with H and O. <!--QuoteEnd--> </td></tr></table> <!--QuoteEEnd--><br> Not to mention you have to replace the Avast key with Merry Christmas <!--emo&:P--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' /><!--endemo-->

[Caoimhin]

Yar, thank ye fer tat tid bit 'o infermatin me matey Roosta. Remind me not ter pillage and wansack your 'ouse w'en I's pass by, ar yar har har!

[GamemasterAnthony]

Ar...for ye enjoyment, I give you lubbers this bit o' comedy I posted on another forum. Enjoy...OR YE WILL WALK THE PLANK!<br><br><!--QuoteBegin--> <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'><b>Quote:</b> </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> I figure since Arashi is interested in being a pirate, then someone should give her all the details on how to become one.  What follows is a slightly altered version of a famous routine by a comedy team called Puke and Snot.  (Two actors who came up from nothing...and brought it with them!)<br><br>ANTHONY:  Hey, Arashi!  Since you want to be a pirate...perhaps I can help you.<br>ARASHI:  How so?<br>ANTHONY:  Because... *dramtic pose*  ...I used to BE a pirate.<br>ARASHI:  9_9  How interesting...<br>ANTHONY:  *overdone pirate voice*  I was a ferocious buccaneer!<br>ARASHI:  ...and it obviously affected your voice!<br>ANTHONY:  *voice*  There was even a PRICE on me head!<br>ARASHI:  Really?  How much?<br>ANTHONY:  *voice*  Two dollars.<br>ARASHI:  Why only two dollars?<br>ANTHONY:  I just told ye...I was a buccaneer.<br><br>*insert general groans here..perhaps even a few "Ar"s*<br><br>ARASHI:  I find it hard to believe you were ever a pirate.<br>ANTHONY:  I was.  I was known...as the Unhousebroken Dog of the Sea.<br>ARASHI:  The Unhousebroken Dog?<br>ANTHONY:  I took a ship whenever I felt like it!<br>ARASHI:  I see...<br>ANTHONY:  You'd love the pirate way of life!<br>ARASHI:  That's why I'm interested...<br>ANTHONY:  Danger!  Intrigue!<br>ARASHI:  Romance!  *glances at Ivo*<br>ANTHONY:  The women quiver...the ships go down...<br>ARASHI:  Yeah, I'd rather have the ships quiver as me and Ivo...<br>ANTHONY:  NO YOU WOULDN'T!!<br>ARASHI:  Yes, I would!  *points at O.M.A.*  And so would he.  "I'd like to be a pirate!  ARRRR!  I'd like to be a pirate right now!"<br>ANTHONY:  It's not that easy to be a pirate!<br>ARASHI:  C'mon...how tough can it be to be a degenerate at sea?!?<br>ANTHONY:  You must pass several tests to be a pirate!<br>ARASHI:  I have to pass a test...to be a PIRATE?!?<br>ANTHONY:  Of course!<br>ARASHI:  Who licenses those guys?!?<br>ANTHONY:  Think you can be a pirate right away?<br>ARASHI:  Like that.  I have diseases...well, a few computer bugs at least...that they haven't even heard of.<br>ANTHONY:  The computer bugs thing doesn't surprise me.<br>ARASHI:  I smell bad...I dress terrible...  *points at O.M.A. again*  ...and THAT guy could be on my crew.<br>ANTHONY:  Good choice!<br>ARASHI:  He'd be my CABIN BOY!!!<br>O.M.A.:  HEY!!!<br>ANTHONY:  Alright...well, I'll see what kind of a pirate you'll make.  And, since you already have the patch, I'll give it to you.<br>ARASHI:  Alrighty then.<br>ANTHONY:  *points*  Way across the meadow...Devlin, instead of being in his trench, is in a maroon T-shirt.<br>ARASHI:  I see him.<br>ANTHONY:  Now...with one eye...READ what it says on that shirt.<br>ARASHI:  That's the test?<br>ANTHONY:  That's the test.<br>ARASHI:  Read the shirt?<br>ANTHONY:  Read the shirt.<br>ARASHI:  Well...I can tell you one thing...<br>ANTHONY:  What?<br>ARASHI:  He's not just LEANING against that tree...<br>ANTHONY:  Huh?  Oh God...you're right...<br><br>*both Anthony and Arashi turn away*<br><br>ANTHONY:  That's disgusting.<br>ARASHI:  Well...he's outside.<br>ANTHONY:  I know...<br><br>*pause*<br><br>ARASHI:  Alright, he's done.<br>ANTHONY:  Thank God...<br>ARASHI:  I see the shirt!  It appears to be an advertisment of some kind!  It says "D.A.Mertz Urology Clinic.  It it hurts when it squirts, talk to Mertz!"<br>ANTHONY:  AMAZING!!!  You've passed the test!  You are now a pirate!<br>ARASHI:  ARRRRRRRR!!!<br>ANTHONY:  Now...what kind of ship do you wish to command?<br>ARASHI:  I get to command a SHIP?!?<br>ANTHONY:  Yes, you do.<br>ARASHI:  Well...what kind do you have?<br>ANTHONY:  Well, how about a sloop?<br>ARASHI:  No.<br>ANTHONY:  A barge?<br>ARASHI:  No.<br>ANTHONY:  A brig?<br>ARASHI:  I want a GREAT ship!<br>ANTHONY:  A cutter?<br>ARASHI:  No!<br>ANTHONY:  A clipper?<br>ARASHI:  What the heck's that?<br>ANTHONY:  A catch?<br>ARASHI:  AHA!!!  I knew there was a catch!<br>ANTHONY:  Well...pick one!<br>ARASHI:  Alright...a frigate!<br>ANTHONY:  Very well...we'll start you with a three-masted frigate!<br>ARASHI:  A three-masted frigate!  GOOD!<br>ANTHONY:  Now...the starboard side of the ship is right.<br>ARASHI:  Right!<br>ANTHONY:  What's left?<br>ARASHI:  The other side!<br>ANTHONY:  *sighs*  No...left is port.<br>ARASHI:  Huh?<br>ANTHONY:  Left, port...left, port.<br>ARASHI:  Fine with me...we should've left port an hour ago.<br>ANTHONY:  Now assume your command.<br>ARASHI:  At the front of the boat?<br>ANTHONY:  Bow.<br>ARASHI:  *bows*  Thank you very much...you've been a good crew.  Now, let's commense with some flogging!  *points at O.M.A.*  You first, Cabin Boy.<br>O.M.A.:  *sweatdrops*<br>ANTHONY:  No no no...the front of the ship is the bow.<br>ARASHI:  Then that's where I'll be!<br>ANTHONY:  No, you'll be astern.<br>ARASHI:  I'll be a stern WHAT?<br>ANTHONY:  *sighs*  The captain stands at the back of the boat.<br>ARASHI:  Alright...so I'll be standing on the stern!<br>ANTHONY:  No...you don't stand on the stern...you stand on the deck!<br>ARASHI:  *exasperated*  The rear deck?!?<br>ANTHONY:  That's right.<br>ARASHI:  It is?<br>ANTHONY:  It is.<br>ARASHI:  I thought starboard was right.<br>ANTHONY:  It is.<br>ARASHI:  It IS?!?<br>ANTHONY:  It is.<br>ARASHI:  Then what's back there?<br>ANTHONY:  Back there is the poop.<br>ARASHI:  *suddenly confused*  Excuse me?!?<br>ANTHONY:  You stand on the poop.<br>ARASHI:  *suddenly a bit morbid*  I better be careful where I step.<br>ANTHONY:  Geez...the whole deck is the poop deck!<br>ARASHI:  What have these pirates been eating?!?<br>ANTHONY:  What difference does that make?<br>ARASHI:  I wanna know how high the poop is.<br>ANTHONY:  Well...the poop is several feet above the main deck.<br><br>*Arashi gives a VERY disgusted look, even looking down as if she was covered in...you know*<br><br>ARASHI:  No shi... *clears throat*  No kidding?!?<br>ANTHONY:  Of course, it's designed that way.<br>ARASHI:  And that's where I command from...the POOP?!?<br>ANTHONY:  Yes!<br>ARASHI:  No wonder the men fear me!  *pauses*  Say...if I get a collect call from nature, do I just add to the poop?<br>ANTHONY:  No...you go in your head.<br>ARASHI:  *looks confused again*  I'm having a hard time picturing that.  Can't imagine any position that would be comfortable.<br>ANTHONY:  You're a pirate!  Comfort is the last thing no your mind!<br>ARASHI:  Apparently so!  Any reason I would go in my head?<br>ANTHONY:  You're the captain, right?<br>ARASHI:  Right!<br>ANTHONY:  It's your head, right?<br>ARASHI:  Right!<br>ANTHONY:  You're the only one allowed to use your head.<br>ARASHI:  So...the rest of the men can't go in my head.<br>ANTHONY:  Of course not!<br>ARASHI:  THANK GOD!!!<br>ANTHONY:  That would be disrespectful!<br>ARASHI:  Absolutely!  Let them use their own heads!<br>ANTHONY:  They can't...the crew don't have heads.<br>ARASHI:  O_O  NONE OF THEM?!?<br>ANTHONY:  Of course not...they're the crew, they don't need them!<br>ARASHI:  Well, how do they see where they're going?!?<br>ANTHONY:  They go over the side!<br>ARASHI:  OBVIOUSLY, if they can't see where they're going!  Cripes...what kind of a crew have no heads!<br>ANTHONY:  Roughnecks!<br><br>*both "Arrr" and then Arashi pretends to spot something*<br><br>ARASHI:  LOOK!!! Over the horizon!<br>ANTHONY:  Is that a three-masted barcantine?<br>ARASHI:  No...it's Devlin!  He's got another tree.  LET IT GO, MAN!!<br>ANTHONY:  No...he's on a Spanish galleon laden with GOLD!!!<br>ARASHI:  Oh, we're pretending...A GALLEON!!!<br>ANTHONY:  A GALLEON!!<br>ARASHI:  How much gold's in a galleon?<br>ANTHONY:  Let's see...<br>BOTH:  Two cups in a pint...two pints in a quart...<br>ANTHONY:  Never mind that!  Prepare your men for battle!<br>ARASHI:  Fine then!  Get me my red shirt!<br>ANTHONY:  Your red shirt?<br>ARASHI:  If we go into battle and if I am hit, my men won't see me bleed and they will fight on valiantly!<br>ANTHONY:  Very brave and noble of you, Arashi...but I should warn you.  There is not just one galleon out there...but TEN!!!<br>ARASHI:  *thinks for a bit*  In that case...get me my brown pants!<br>ANTHONY:  Oh, COME ON!!  Just give your men the order to come about!<br>ARASHI:  Alright men...gather round, hold hands, and form a circle.<br>ANTHONY:  Tell them to trim the sails!<br>ARASHI:  *points*  Cut a couple of inches off of that one...it looks like crap!<br>ANTHONY:  Aim your cannons at the foremast!<br>ARASHI:  Whip out your cannons men and... *suddenly stops*  The foremast?!?<br>ANTHONY:  Aye.<br>ARASHI:  I thought there were only three masts?<br>ANTHONY:  There are, but the first mast is fore.<br>ARASHI:  *is now VERY confused*  The first mast is fore...what about the third mast?<br>ANTHONY:  That's mizzen!<br>ARASHI:  It's missing...where the hell did it go?<br>ANTHONY:  Behind the main!<br>ARASHI:  The water main, the Spanish Main, the Charlemange?  What main?!?<br>ANTHONY:  The main mast!<br>ARASHI:  What's the main mast?!?<br>ANTHONY:  Number two!<br>ARASHI:  I thought POOP was number two!<br>ANTHONY:  No no...the poop's on the rear!<br>ARASHI:  That's the FIRST thing you've said that makes sense!<br>ANTHONY:  What's confusing you?!?<br>ARASHI:  I wanna know...where's the fourth mast?<br>ANTHONY:  There's only three masts!<br>ARASHI:  Then the fourth's missing?<br>ANTHONY:  The THIRD'S mizzen!<br>ARASHI:  I know it's missing...WHERE THE HELL DID IT GO?!?<br>ANTHONY:  I TOLD you!  It's sticking out of the poop!!<br>ARASHI:  GRACK!!  Alright...let me get this straight...<br>ANTHONY:  Sure.<br>ARASHI:  I'm being attacked a Spanish vessel that's coming down hard of port...that's left.  My men have gone over the right side of the ship...that's starboard...because they don't have any heads and can't see where they're going.  Meanwhile, I'm standing sternly...in the poop!<br>ANTHONY:  Huh?<br>ARASHI:  I have a proud three-masted frigate.  I trim my sails, come about, and aim my cannons at the foremast.  Now...if the first mast is fore, the third mast is mizzen, and the main mast is sticking out of the poop...what the hell do I use to board 'er with?!?<br>ANTHONY:  Your dingy.<br>ARASHI:  *is suddenly disinterested*  Not on your LIFE, bucko!  Besides...what if the dingy is missing?<br>ANTHONY:  Maybe you didn't tie it to the stern.<br>ARASHI:  D'OH!!!<br><br>WHEW!!!  What do you think of that?<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table> <!--QuoteEEnd-->

[Bocaj Claw]

Arr! (Realizes day is over) Er... I mean. That was very spontaneously funny. <!--emo&:lol:--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... /laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' /><!--endemo-->

[Tom Flapwell]

That's one routine Abbott and Costello would have to do off camera.

[Dr. Doog]

wow, that is hilarious. <!--emo&:P--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' /><!--endemo-->

[Steve the Pocket]

Must remember not to read those in public, people tend to look at me funny when I start ROFLing.

[Muninn]

From my diary (yeah right)...<br><br>September 19, 9:00 AM<br>Stranded without computer, sturdy ship and worse of all, a flagon of rum in this island of landlubbers.<br><br>September 19, 11:34 AM<br>No one seems to understand me. They say I have a speech impediment and should stop my interpretation of a motorcycle. I think they have lost all sanity. Arrrr...<br><br>September 19, 13:17 PM<br>If I don't get some rum or ale soon I'll die of thirst. All I found in this house are some chocolates with a volume of liquor in them that wouldn't fill a fly's skull.<br><br>September 19, 16:56 PM<br>The petshop guy said he wouldn't sell no parrots to people with half a sunglass tied to their head with a piece of string. I wonder if the vet next door will sell me a rabbit if he knew I was going to eat it.<br><br>September 19, 18:06 PM<br>I stole some gold from a merchant in the market at the bay only to find chocolate underneath their surface.<br>p.s. feed said merchants boiled guts to Casanova.<br><br>September 19, 19:35 PM<br>Mother wouldn't make me eat this asparagus if I had my cutlass.<br><br>September 19, 21:27 PM<br>Quarantined to my cabin for trying to saw my leg off. Mother wasn't so much angry at that than the table's leg cut and laying on the floor. Where did she think I was going to find my peg leg?<br><br>September 19, 23:52 PM<br>Turning in for an early night. Weather report said slow winds, looks like I'll have to set sails tomorrow for greener valleys.<br><br>September 20<br>What the heck was I on yesterday? Time to go watch One Piece...<br><br><br>Ok, I'm late, I would've liked to put this on the day but I was several hundred miles away from my computer then.