Jokes, Jokes, tell me Jokes.

[Sage]

Why do firemen wear red suspenders?



To keep their pants up :/

[Doc Sigma]

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were totally plastered. The first guy said, "Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you!" Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, "YOU'RE ON!"

So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot. "WOW," screamed the 2nd guy, "That was incredible. Do it again!" So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend. "That is remarkable. Do it one more time!"

"Ok," said the first guy, "But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it."

The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back. "Your turn," he said.

So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window. "This is easy. He did it, so can I!" The much pumped second man, took a deep breath, and heaved his body out the window. He fell straight to the ground and died instantly upon impact. Calmly the first man walked back to the bar and ordered another beer. The bartender remarked, "Superman, you're such an ass when you're drunk."

[teozo]

Reportres: Mile (barman) must love idiots.
Studentes: Why do you say that.
Reporters: Just look how much of them he made.

[Tom Flapwell]

What does a bigot call the Mario brothers?

Dagos ex machina.

[Chris]

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were totally plastered. The first guy said, "Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you!" Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, "YOU'RE ON!"

So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot. "WOW," screamed the 2nd guy, "That was incredible. Do it again!" So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend. "That is remarkable. Do it one more time!"

"Ok," said the first guy, "But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it."

The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back. "Your turn," he said.

So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window. "This is easy. He did it, so can I!" The much pumped second man, took a deep breath, and heaved his body out the window. He fell straight to the ground and died instantly upon impact. Calmly the first man walked back to the bar and ordered another beer. The bartender remarked, "Superman, you're such an ass when you're drunk."

WHAHAHAHA, Epic joke XD

[Fritz]

911, in yo town.

[Doc Sigma]

What's long, brown and sticky?
A STICK HAHAHA GET IT

[teozo]

Reportres: I wish that the politicians would stop laying for the fact let show their personal life that we can thrust them.
Barman: You can wish that they stop laying but never wish to unwale their personal life.
Reportres: And why not beer boy.
Barman: Well stick woman I'll give you an exaple couse explaining it will be to long. It goes like this I'll pick three historical people and you three will vote one of them based on their personal life.
Reportres:OK
Studentes:No problem
Dolina:Fine with me
Barman: OK lets start:
A) This person is a hevy smoker drinks a lot bearly uses his legs and has two wives.
B) He is also a hevy smoker a heavyer drinker, he was also a opium user and has been seen half-naked a lot of times.
C) This person Never smoked, drinks rearly han one woman and never used drugs.
Now chose a vote.

Me: I tought that it would be interesting if you wote first and then I'll show the rest of the dialog.

[Doc Sigma]

Two fish are in an aquarium. The first one says, "You know, there must be more to life than this. I wish I could escape from here, if only for a moment... maybe visit some nice little stream or pond. That would be so nice." The second one says, "HOLY CRAP A TALKING FISH!!!"

[Tom Flapwell]

Teozo, I'll vote for B.

[Doc Sigma]

What do you give a deaf, dumb & blind thalidomide victim for Christmas? Cancer

[Kojiro]

A professional weight lifter is admiring his body in the mirror one day when he notices that his wife entered the room, "Look at that hunny, three hundred pounds of pure dynamite here." The wife smiles at him then walks out of the room cracking up, "Such a shame about the two inch fuse though."

[teozo]

Ok no one is voteing, could you please make a joke and then a bit below some thing like "vote for A/B/C.

In a family today a man died.
On his funeral came 300 people 250 of them were wemon and the rest relatives. He got a marble cascet a mosuleum made out of Brach marble he rented an all you can eat bufai and in the eveaning there should be a marvoluos fireworks display.
His wife bumped into his sister who asked "who where all these wemon?" the wife replied "I was infertile, so we had to get some one else to get pregnent.""So all these wemon are...""hors, yes, but I didn't have to get pregnant and had 25 beutiful children strangly only every 10. hor got pragnant."the sister scaters and the wife goes to the cascet.
At the cascet she sees her housbands brothers crying
"whats the mater?""we had a bet with him."the wife is confused"His dead since yesterday.""We beted who'll die first, he won""so now you haw to...?" the brothers stars crying heavyer "pay the enteir funeral.

Fun fact - monuments built out of Brach marble:
The White House
the Battary park in New York
the Horsewoman (the Monument of Peace) at the UN
and the first statue to Mother Theres
Brach is a croatian island.

[klimt]

a man with a very high voice goes to the doctor to find out why it is so high. after being tested repeatedly, the doctor tells him i have some good news and bad news.
the bad news is your...leg...is to large and pulls on your vocal chords. the good news is there is a doctor in england that can fix it. the man, being afraid of airplanes decides to take a cruise across and enjoy the journey. the ship sinks about halfway across the atlantic, and the man is heard screaming

SHARK

SHARK


SHARK

also...A. anyone who can manage 2 wifes can certainly manage a country.

[Foxhound]

A priest, a rabbi, and a mullah walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

Also, A.