Weird News

Richard K Niner · Postby **Richard K Niner** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 12:51 pm

<a href='http://www.kcra.com/news/5577000/detail.html' target='_blank'>Gah! Turn that "music" off!</a>  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Eminem Music Allegedly Used As U.S. Torture Device POSTED: 9:04 am PST December 19, 2005 KABUL, Afghanistan -- A human rights group is alleging the United States operated a secret prison near Afghanistan's capital as recently as last year. The group claims that music by Eminem and Dr. Dre were used as instruments of torture. New York-based Human Rights Watch has issued a report saying the United States operated a secret prison in Afghanistan and tortured detainees. The report quoted an Ethiopian-born detainee as saying he was kept in a pitch-black prison and forced to listen to Eminem and Dr. Dre's rap music for 20 days before the music was replaced by "horrible ghost laughter and Halloween sounds." The report said detainees at the facility -- known as "Dark Prison" -- were deprived of sleep, chained to walls and forced to listen to loud music in total darkness for days. The group said its report is based on the accounts of several detainees at the U.S. prison for suspected terrorists at Guantanamo Bay. Human Rights Watch hasn't been allowed to speak with the detainees directly, but said it obtained the detainees' accounts from their lawyers. The group said the allegations are credible enough to warrant an official investigation. American officials say the United States doesn't engage in torture. CIA officials have no commented on the allegations.</td></tr></table>

VisibilityMissing · Postby **VisibilityMissing** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:28 pm

Barbie torture? <img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... /blink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='blink.gif' />  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Dec 19, 6:09 PM EST Researchers Find Barbie Is Often Mutilated By JILL LAWLESS Associated Press Writer LONDON (AP) -- Barbie, beware. The iconic plastic doll is often mutilated at the hands of young girls, according to research published Monday by British academics. "The girls we spoke to see Barbie torture as a legitimate play activity, and see the torture as a 'cool' activity," said Agnes Nairn, one of the University of Bath researchers. "The types of mutilation are varied and creative, and range from removing the hair to decapitation, burning, breaking and even microwaving." Researchers from the university's marketing and psychology departments questioned 100 children about their attitudes to a range of products as part of a study on branding. They found Barbie provoked the strongest reaction, with youngsters reporting "rejection, hatred and violence," Nairn said. "The meaning of 'Barbie' went beyond an expressed antipathy; actual physical violence and torture towards the doll was repeatedly reported, quite gleefully, across age, school and gender," she said. While boys often expressed nostalgia and affection toward Action Man - the British equivalent of GI Joe - renouncing Barbie appeared to be a rite of passage for many girls, Nairn said. "The most readily expressed reason for rejecting Barbie was that she was babyish, and girls saw her as representing their younger childhood out of which they felt they had now grown," she said. Nairn said many girls saw Barbie as an inanimate object rather than a treasured toy. "Whilst for an adult the delight the child felt in breaking, mutilating and torturing their dolls is deeply disturbing, from the child's point of view they were simply being imaginative in disposing of an excessive commodity in the same way as one might crush cans for recycling," she said. Manufacturer Mattel, which sells 94 million Barbies a year worldwide, said the doll remained the "No. 1 fashion doll brand." Mattel U.K. said that despite the findings of "this very small group of children, we know that there are millions of girls in the U.K. and across the world that love and enjoy playing with Barbie and will continue to do so in the future." © 2005 The Associated Press</td></tr></table>

Gizensha · Postby **Gizensha** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 11:56 pm

I'd have thought the problem with Barbie was more 'represents a stereotype which is at least 50 years out of date and an unrealistic aesthetic placed upon women by... Well... The feminists would probably say 'men' but in my experience it's mainly women that place demands on women to be thin as rakes with big breasts, with the men only doing so when viewing porn and not in general everyday acts' than 'a childish persuit'.

DesertFoxCat · Postby **DesertFoxCat** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:58 am

<table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: (Aljazeera.net)</td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Drunk Santas on the rampage Sunday 18 December 2005, 10:21 Makka Time, 7:21 GMT It may be the season for Ho, ho ho!, but a group of 40 people dressed up as Santa Claus has got police in New Zealand saying: "No! No! No!" The Santas, many of them apparently drunk, went on a rampage through Auckland, New Zealand's largest city, raiding stores, assaulting security guards and urinating from highway overpasses, police said on Sunday. The rampage, part of a movement known as Santarchy, began early on Saturday afternoon when the men, wearing cheap, ill-fitting Santa costumes, threw beer bottles and urinated on cars from an overpass, said Noreen Hegarty, spokeswoman for the Auckland Central Police. She said the men then rushed through a central city park, overturning rubbish bins, throwing bottles at passing cars and spraying graffiti on office buildings. One man climbed the mooring line of a cruise ship before being ordered down by the captain. Other Santas, objecting when the man was arrested, attacked security staff who were later treated by paramedics, Hegarty said. Three arrested The remaining Santas entered a store and carried off beer and soft drinks. Changa Manakynda, the shop owner, said: "They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' and then helped themselves." The group is part of a worldwide movement known as Santarchy Two security guards were treated for cuts after being struck by beer bottles, Hegarty said. Three people, including the man who climbed on the cruise ship, were arrested and charged with drunkenness and disorderly behaviour. Alex Dyer, a spokesman for the group of Santas, said Santarchy is a worldwide movement designed to protest against the commercialisation of Christmas. Santarchy records protests going back 10 years in the US, with participants marking Christmas in anti-commercial ways involving street theatre, pranks and public drunkenness. Police said identification was a key issue as they tried to sort out which of the 40 men and women in New Zealand had done what. Senior Sergeant Matt Rogers said: "With a number of people dressed in the same outfit, it was difficult for any witnesses to confirm the identity of who was doing what."</td></tr></table>

VisibilityMissing · Postby **VisibilityMissing** » Wed Dec 21, 2005 2:31 am

Mooooose! Saxophone! 800th response on the Weird News Thread!  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Dec 20, 9:08 PM EST Moose Captured After Boy Plays Saxophone SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) -- A moose that had been wandering near Sioux Falls and other parts of eastern South Dakota in recent weeks has been captured and taken to the Great Plains Zoo in Sioux Falls. Veterinarian Dayton Williams of Sioux Falls brought down the animal with a tranquilizer gun around 1:30 p.m. Tuesday as it moved through snow-covered corn stubble near Interstate 29, south of Sioux Falls. The animal was loaded into a horse trailer and transported to the zoo. Connie Evenson of Sioux Falls was among those who saw the moose. She said she noticed movement in her backyard Monday afternoon as she watched television in her living room. "At first I thought it was somebody's dog," Evenson said. "Then I got up to look out of our bank of windows, and it was much bigger." She called to her family and took photos of the animal as it came within 20 feet of their house. "We thought it was kind of funny, but our son, Matt, was practicing his baritone saxophone and had his window open," Evenson said. "We wondered if it was like the call of the wild that attracted the moose to our house." State Game, Fish and Parks officers had been tracking the moose for a couple of months and decided to catch it to prevent it from becoming a public safety threat, officials said. "Being it was staying so close to Sioux Falls for such a long time ... we were concerned a little bit with the public's safety," said Arden Petersen, a regional supervisor for the GF&P. The moose won't be on public display at the zoo, officials said. Instead, they hope to calm it down and relocate the animal. © 2005 The Associated Press</td></tr></table>

Zaaphod · Postby **Zaaphod** » Thu Dec 22, 2005 1:35 am

Ooooooh, moooooooose and baritone sax! What a combination! When are they going on tour? <img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' />

VisibilityMissing · Postby **VisibilityMissing** » Fri Dec 23, 2005 9:24 pm

Frozen to the tracks!  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Dec 22, 9:41 PM EST Dog Stuck to Railroad Tracks Is Rescued CHIPPEWA FALLS, Wis. (AP) -- Ten minutes later and the Siberian husky frozen to some railroad tracks in western Wisconsin would have met an unfortunate fate. But luckily Jeremy Majorowicz, a Twin Cities construction worker, intervened. Majorowicz spotted the gray and white dog sitting on the tracks Monday after his construction crew decided to call it a day because of the frigid temperatures. They headed into a restaurant for something to eat and when they came out an hour and a-half later, the dog was sitting in the same spot. He approached the dog and offered it a bit of a muffin, but the animal wouldn't bite. "I have two dogs myself, so I didn't want to leave the dog if there was something wrong," Majorowicz said, so he called the police. Officer Tim Strand said the dog was "shivering unmercifully" when he arrived and would not come to him, so he called animal control officer Al Heyde. Heyde hooked the dog around the neck with a catch pole in an attempt to capture the dog, but it would not budge. "I lifted his tail and hind quarters, and saw he was literally frozen to the tracks," Strand said. "He was pretty hunkered down." Strand pulled hard on the dog's tail, and was able to release him, but he said the dog lost a lot of hair in the process. "He gave a heck of a whelp," he said. What the men didn't know is that their rescue came with little time to spare. A train would be heading down the tracks within 10 minutes. "If the dog would have seen that train I'm afraid it would have been the end of the pupster," Strand said. The dog was transported to the Chippewa County Humane Association, where workers named him "Ice Train."</td></tr></table>

Burning Sheep Productions · Postby **Burning Sheep Productions** » Fri Dec 23, 2005 11:01 pm

I've heard that happen before. Perhaps they could put an electrical heating thing in the tracks which are turned on in an individual section when pressure is applied to it. That'd cost heaps but... so do trains.

VisibilityMissing · Postby **VisibilityMissing** » Mon Dec 26, 2005 4:29 pm

Computer controlled roaches get spammed, too!  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Japan's latest innovation: Remote-control roaches are plagued by spammers By ERIC TALMADOE Associated Press TOKYO - A big brown cockroach crawls across the table in the laboratory of Japan's most prestigious university. The researcher eyes it nervously, but he doesn't go for the bug spray. He grabs the remote. This is no ordinary under-the-refrigerator type bug. This roach has been surgically implanted with a micro-robotic backpack that allows researchers to control its movements. This is Robo-roach. Unfortunately spammers are emailing the roaches when they broadcast to cell phones. "We had an incident last week where we sent a roach into an duct to test for an air leak, when we asked the roach to turn right, it responded by asking for our email addresses and offered to send us viagra in return." said Assistant Professor Isao Shimoyama, head of the bio-robot research team at Tokyo University. "Insects can do many things that people can't, " Shimoyama,the head of the bio-robot research team at Tokyo University went on to say. "The potential applications of this work for mankind could be immense." Within a few years, Shimoyama says, electronically controlled insects carrying mini-cameras or other sensory devices could be used for a variety of sensitive missions - like crawling through earthquake rubble to search for victims, or slipping under doors on espionage surveillance. Far-fetched as that might seem, the Japanese government has deemed the research credible enough to award $5 million to Shimoyama's micro-robotics team and biologists at Tsukuba University, a leading science center in central Japan. Money from the five-year grant started coming in this month, and young researchers are lining up for a slot on Shimoyama's team. The team breeds its own supply of several hundred cockroaches in plastic bins. Not just any roach will do. Researchers use only the american cockroach (Perplaneta americana) because it is bigger and hardier than most other species. From that supply, they select roaches to equip with high-tech "backpacks" - tiny microprocessor and electrode sets. Before surgery, researchers gas the roach with carbon dioxide. Wings and antennae are removed. Where the antennae used to be researchers fit pulse-emitting electrodes. With a remote, researchers send signals to the backpacks, which stimulate the electrodes. The pulsing electrodes make the roach turn left, turn right, scamper forward or spring backward. Over the past three years, researchers have reduced the weight of the backpacks to one-tenth of an ounce, or about twice the weight of the roaches themselves. "Cockroaches are very strong," said Swiss researcher Raphael Holzer, part of the Tokyo University team. "They can lift 20 times their own weight." The controls, however, still have a few serious bugs of their own. Holzer jolts a roach with an electric pulse to make it move slightly to the right and keep to an inch-wide path. Instead, the roach races off the edge of a table into Holzer's outstretched hands. "The placement of the electrodes is till very inexact," he admits, settling the bug back on the track. While a backpack-fitted roach can survive for several months, it becomes less sensitive to the electronic pulses over time - a big problem if the bugs are to be used on longer missions. Holzer is optimistic. "The technology isn't so difficult," he said. "The difficulty is to really understand what is happening in the nervous system." And technology aside, Robo-roach is still, after all, a roach. "They are not very nice insects," Holzer confesses. "They are a little bit smelly, and there's something about the way they move their antennae. But they look nicer when you put a little circuit on their backs and remove their wings." </td></tr></table>  ---------------------------------------------------- Ouch.  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> December 26, 2005 2 Jersey Police Officers Drive Off Bridge in Fatal Accident By NATE SCHWEBER JERSEY CITY, Dec. 26 - One Jersey City police officer was killed and another is believed dead after their vehicle drove off a vertical lift bridge in dense fog on Christmas Day and plunged 45 feet into the frigid waters of the Hackensack River, the authorities said today. After the officers - identified as Shawn Carson, 40, and Robert Nguygen, 30 - drove across the Lincoln Highway Bridge connecting Jersey City and Newark on Sunday evening, it was apparently lifted in order to let a tugboat pass underneath. "They were not aware that the bridge had been lifted," Police Chief Robert Troy said at a news conference this morning. "They could not see because of the conditions." The accident occurred Sunday about 8:20 p.m. after the two officers, assigned to the Jersey City Police Department's Emergency Services Unit, drove over the bridge to deliver flares to other officers who were warning motorists that the safety gate was not working. The gate's arms were damaged during a Dec. 23rd accident, authorities said. After dropping off the flares, Officers Carson, a 16-year veteran of the department, and Nguygen, a 6-year veteran, attempted to return east across the bridge, but were unaware that the bridge's central span had been raised to allow a boat to go through. Their vehicle dropped into the river's 41-degree waters. The bridge's operator called police to report the accident. It remains unclear whether the operator was aware that the police vehicle was on the adjacent part of the bridge at the time that the central span was lifted. Several units, including divers from the New York City Police Department, responded to the accident. Mr. Carson's body has been recovered. Police divers continue to search for Mr. Nguygen, though he is believed to be dead, the authorities said. "The irony is they were responding to the very situation that caused their demise," said Mayor Jerramiah Healy of Jersey City. </td></tr></table>

DesertFoxCat · Postby **DesertFoxCat** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 6:40 am

<table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: (BBC.com)</td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Ancient Egypt 'respected dwarfs' The Ancient Egyptians respected dwarfs, and did not see them as having a physical handicap, according to a study by US researchers. A team from Georgetown University Hospital looked at biological remains and artistic evidence of dwarfism in ancient Egypt. Ancient Egyptians worshipped dwarf gods, and many dwarfs held positions of authority in households. The research was published in the American Journal of Medical Genetics. Wisdom writings and moral teachings in ancient Egypt commanded respect for dwarfs and other individuals with disabilities Dr Chahira Kozma, Georgetown University In modern times, doctors have identified over 100 medical conditions that cause short stature. The most common cause is achondroplasia which causes severe shortening of the limbs. It affects 1 in 25,000 births per year. Around 75% of individuals with a restricted growth condition are born to parents of average size. The US researchers looked at Ancient Egypt because the hot, dry climate and elaborate burial systems practised then have meant many human remains are still intact, including complete and partial skeletons. Lavish burials Dr Chahira Kozma, of the department of paediatrics at Georgetown University. They looked at dwarfs who achieved "elite" status in society, and ordinary dwarfs. The researchers found that the earliest biological evidence of dwarfs in dates back to a Predynastic Period called the "Badarian Period" (4500 BC) in addition to several skeletons from the Old Kingdom (2700 - 2190 BC). They found numerous images of dwarfism on tomb walls and on vase paintings, statues and other art forms. Dwarfs were depicted in at least 50 tombs, and the repetition of certain pictures shows that they were well integrated into society, the researchers said. The pictures showed dwarfs were employed as personal attendants, overseers of linen, people who looked after animals, jewellers, dancers and entertainers. Several were members of households of high officials and were esteemed enough to receive lavish burial sites in the royal cemetery close to the pyramids. There were also two dwarf gods in ancient Egypt; Bes and Ptah. Bes was a protector of sexuality, childbirth, women and children. His temple was recently excavated in the Baharia oasis in the middle of Egypt. Ptah was associated with regeneration and rejuvenation. Writing in the American Journal of Medical Genetics, Dr Kozma said: "The burial sites and artistic sources provide glimpses of the positions in daily life in ancient Egypt. "Dwarfs were accepted in ancient Egypt; their recorded daily activities suggest assimilation into daily life, and their disorder was never shown as a physical handicap." He added: "Wisdom writings and moral teachings in ancient Egypt commanded respect for dwarfs and other individuals with disabilities." "Furthermore their daily activities suggest integration in daily life and that their disorder was not shown as a physical handicap."</td></tr></table>

VisibilityMissing · Postby **VisibilityMissing** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 3:52 pm

No pet pigeons? Next they'll be telling us no chickens in the city <img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' />  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Court Upholds Chicago's Ban on Pet Pigeons By Associated Press December 27, 2005, 6:55 AM CST CHICAGO -- A federal appeals court has upheld the city's ban on pet racing pigeons, rejecting claims by some enthusiasts that the ordinance is unconstitutional. The ban makes Chicago the only large U.S. city that outlaws pet pigeons, according to the American Racing Pigeon Union. The pigeons coo excessively and scatter feathers and droppings, proponents of the ban said. "We're not hurting anybody," said Karl Wollenhaupt, secretary and treasurer of the Greater Chicago Combine and Center Inc., a pigeon racing club. "This sport has been in existence for hundreds of years, but the city says these birds are bad, dirty and evil. These are birds of pedigree." The U.S. 7th Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling Thursday that backed the city of Chicago's ordinance, which was passed more than a year ago. Balancing the interests between the pigeon club members and their neighbors was not the court's role, the ruling said. Other cities have set limits on the number of birds or required screenings to monitor disease, the racing union said. Copyright © 2005, The Associated Press </td></tr></table>

Zaaphod · Postby **Zaaphod** » Wed Dec 28, 2005 1:46 am

Hey, at least you don't have to get rid of your pet moooooose! <img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' />

VisibilityMissing · Postby **VisibilityMissing** » Wed Dec 28, 2005 6:05 pm

You know, that might be important for postmen to know . . .  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Postmen taught dog psychology The German post office has started giving mail workers lessons in canine psychology. Official say the number of dog attacks on postmen this Xmas were the lowest in 10 years after the lessons. Deutsche Post spokeswoman Sylvia Blesing said: "The number of attacks is dropping, in some places by as much as half. The reduction began after we starting teaching our postal workers how dogs think. We tell them not to run away if they see a dog coming and how to react in a dangerous situation." The German post office has sent around 80,000 of its postmen and women on the courses, first introduced in 2001, to learn how to psychoanalyse dogs and how to deal with them. Postman Rolf Schulz from Berlin, who attended the course said: "It gave me a real insight into how dogs behave and what causes them to bite." The courses include theoretical and practical advice on how to handle dogs. Trained animal psychologists explain why it is not possible to cycle faster than a dog and demonstrate how to hand the mail to a person who is walking their dog without being bitten. Dog trainer Stefan Biegier said: "We show the postmen dog expressions and teach them to watch for the danger signs. We also pass on tips like making sure the owners are aware of the time the mail will be delivered. German postmen are extremely punctual and if a person knows when their mail will be delivered they can make sure the dog is tied up or at least in doors out of the way."</td></tr></table>

VisibilityMissing · Postby **VisibilityMissing** » Thu Dec 29, 2005 1:44 am

Yeah! for mass transit!!  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> Police: Man rode Metra to burglarize churches Tribune staff reports Published December 28, 2005, 12:34 PM CST A Chicago man who allegedly used Metra trains as getaway vehicles has been arrested and charged with a string of church and parochial school burglaries in north suburban Lake County, CLTV reported. Robert S. Johnson, 40, of the 2800 block of South Keeler Avenue, was arrested in Antioch at 2:45 a.m. Dec. 22 shortly after a local dentist's office was burglarized, police said. Johnson was charged with the dentist's heist, break-ins at three Antioch houses of worship {ndash} Crossview Church, Heartland Baptist Church and the United Methodist Church of Antioch {ndash} and the burglary of a local church-affiliated school, Faith Evangelical Lutheran School, CLTV reported. He is being held in Lake County Jail in lieu of $75,000 bond, WGN-Ch. 9 reported. At the time of his arrest, Johnson was carrying screwdrivers, pliers, a bag of coins and a handwritten list with 11 local addresses, as well as maps showing how to get to them, according to Antioch Deputy Police Chief Ron Roth. All of the addresses were for religious institutions. The suspect had gone online at public libraries, using Internet search engines like Mapquest, to call up names and addresses of churches near suburban Metra stations, Roth said. Johnson told investigators "that he didn't like churches, that he thought churches had actually stolen from people, and that was one of the reasons he didn't feel bad burglarizing churches," Roth told CLTV. "He'd take the Metra train to an area or a community that had churches," the deputy chief said. "He would get off that Metra stop and actually do the burglary and return to the train." Authorities are investigating whether the man may be connected to church burglaries going back to September in Grayslake, Lake Villa, Libertyville, Mundelein and Vernon Hills. Money, gift cards and food were taken. Johnson was on parole from a prior burglary conviction and was released from prison in 2004, CLTV reported. CLTV Assignment Editor Anita Selvaggio contributed to this story. </td></tr></table>

VisibilityMissing · Postby **VisibilityMissing** » Thu Dec 29, 2005 3:00 am

A summary of the weird news for 2005, in case you missed anything . . . <img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' />  <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'>Quote: </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> NEWS OF THE WEIRD By Chuck Shepherd Sunday, December 25, 2005; B02 If you spent your year paying close attention to the comings and goings of Angelina and Brad, Tom and Katie, Jessica and Nick, Judy and Scooter -- or, heaven forbid, more important things like DeLay or the deluge that devastated the Gulf Coast -- you might have missed the most disconcerting, perplexing and underreported stories from 2005. Not the Brightest Crayons in the Box DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HISTORY Texas House Speaker Tom Craddick told a middle-school class that the U.S. Congress is different from the Texas legislature because in Washington, there are "454" members on the House side and "60" in the Senate. --Associated Press, April 15 CROOKS WITH MONEY MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS (I) Police in Twin Falls, Idaho, confiscated almost $1 billion in counterfeit money in a scheme doomed from the start because all the bills were in the nonexistent denomination of $1 million. A Lafayette, Ind., counterfeiter did better with his bogus $100 bills, known as "Benjamins" (for Benjamin Franklin, whose likeness appears on the front). His mistake: The watermark, when held up to the light, showed Abe Lincoln's face -- apparently the result of using a $5 bill as a model. (Otherwise, said police investigator Jeff Rooze, the fakes were excellent. Police charged 22-year-old Earl H. Devine with four counts of forgery and four counts of theft.) --Twin Falls News-Times, Oct. 8; Journal and Courier (Lafayette, Ind.), Aug. 11 CROOKS WITH MONEY MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS (II) A judge gave Vickey Siles of New Haven, Ind., just a suspended sentence and probation, ostensibly out of pity for the lousy job she did altering a check from Globe Life and Accident Co. Siles had tried to obliterate the "$1.00" amount of the check by typing "$4,000,000.00" over it, and then attempted to cash it at a neighborhood check-cashing store. --Fort Wayne News-Sentinel, March 19 BLING 1, MATERNAL INSTINCT 0 Firefighters in Stamford, Conn., had to break a car window, against the owner's wishes, to rescue her 23-month-old son, whom she had accidentally locked inside along with the key. According to police reports and a 911 tape, the kid had been sweltering for more than 20 minutes on an 88-degree July day when Susan Guita Silverstein, 42 (who was later charged with reckless endangerment), asked firefighters to wait until she went home to get a spare key so they wouldn't have to damage her Audi A4. --Stamford Advocate, July 26 Guv'mint at Work TACKLING THE HARD ISSUES Oklahoma state senator Frank Shurden proposed legislation to revive the "sport" of cockfighting, which the state outlawed in 2002. But to make it more rooster-friendly, he suggested that the birds wear tiny boxing gloves instead of razor cleats and wear fencing-type electronic vests to record hits. "Let the roosters do what they love to do without getting injured," he said. -- The Daily Oklahoman , Jan. 26 TOUGH WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT City Council member Yvonne Lamanna, 58, filed a workers' compensation claim against the city of Penn Hills, Pa., after she threw her back out while taking her seat at the Feb. 7 council meeting. -- Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, March 9 THE LAWS OF IRONY ARE STRICTLY ENFORCED When CNN/USA Today/Gallup pollsters asked in a telephone survey whether President Bush is a "uniter" or a "divider," 49 percent said a uniter and 49 percent said a divider. --CNN, Jan. 19 DO I LOSE MY PLACE IN LINE? As a registered sex offender in California, James Andrew Crawford was required to notify authorities if he adopted a new "domicile" for more than five days. He was arrested in May for noncompliance after he camped out for two weeks in a theater line waiting for "Star Wars: Episode III" to open. --North County (Escondido, Calif.) Times, May 19 At the Edge of Credulity ANOTHER BUSH ADMINISTRATION SKEPTICAL OF THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS Laura and Edmund Gerstein, keen to save their beloved grapefruit tree from Florida's citrus canker eradication program, claimed immunity for the tree under the Geneva Conventions (the paragraph on protecting crops needed for civilians' survival during wartime). "As I understand it," said Edmund Gerstein, "we're in a state of war." Responded a state Department of Agriculture spokesman: "That tree will be coming down." --Sun-Sentinel (Fort Lauderdale, Fla.), April 5, April 26 PLEASE DON'T BOTHER TO RELOAD In an early-morning shootout on June 4 at the Homewood housing complex in Pittsburgh, two undercover officers and a suspect exchanged at least 103 gunshots without anyone getting hit. (The first bullet did shatter the windshield of the officers' car, however.) --Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, June 5; Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, June 5 LAWYERS UNFAMILIAR WITH THEIR OWN CLIENT In court papers filed in 1994 but which only this year drew public attention, lawyers zealously representing the Catholic Archdiocese of Portland, Ore., offered an unusual countercharge to a child-support claim against Father Arturo Uribe: that the mother herself was negligent because she had engaged in "unprotected intercourse." The lawyers did not explain how this defense squares with Roman Catholic doctrine, which regards birth control as a sin. --Los Angeles Times, July 24, Aug. 3 The Entrepreneurial Spirit BEST INVENTIONS OF THE YEAR (I) Spanish designer Pep Torres said he was nearing a launch date for his "Your Turn" washing machine, which he developed to encourage couples and families to share housework. Users initially register their fingerprints, and Your Turn will not operate if started by the same print twice in a row. --Mirror (London), March 10; BBC News, May 1 BEST INVENTIONS OF THE YEAR (II) Yamaha Corp. introduced the MyRoom, a customizable, soundproof, shed-like structure with 27 square feet of floor space, to install inside notoriously crowded Japanese homes, for privacy (or to be exiled to). The company expects a sales surge in 2006, when Japan's first wave of babby-boom salarymen retire and begin annoying their spouses at home. --Times (London), May 27 THE STATE OF ENVIRONMENTAL PROTEST Thirty-five Greenpeace activists rushed onto the floor of the International Petroleum Exchange in London intending to paralyze oil trading on the day the Kyoto environmental initiative took effect, but several traders turned on them, punching and kicking the protesters until they ran for their lives. (One activist was hospitalized with a suspected broken jaw, another with a concussion.) Said one understated Greenpeacer, "I've never seen anyone less amenable to listening to our point of view." --Associated Press, Feb. 16; Times (London), Feb. 17 THE REALITY SHOW IS NEXT At a new theme park in El Alberto, Mexico (near Mexico City), wannabe migrants to the United States can test their survival skills at an obstacle course that replicates the rigors migrants must endure while sneaking across the border. Admission price: about $13.50. --Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Feb. 20 SOON TO BE A BUSINESS SCHOOL CASE STUDY When Japanese business exec Takashi Hashiyama had to choose either Sotheby's or Christie's to sell off his company's art collection, he asked the two auction houses to play rock-paper-scissors to win the privilege. Sotheby's chose paper and lost out on the eventual $2.3 million commission. (A Christie's executive had taken the advice of one of his 11-year-old twin daughters, who said, "Everybody knows you always start with scissors.") --Wall Street Journal, New York Times, April 29 Body and Soul DANGERS THE SURGEON GENERAL MISSED Smoke started rising from Israel's then-finance minister Benjamin Netanyahu as he was sitting for a radio interview in Jerusalem in May, causing him to fling his jacket off. He had stuffed his lighted cigar inside a pocket to comply with the room's no-smoking policy. And in Foreman, Ark., Jeff Foran, 38, suffered facial injuries when he impulsively leaped from a fast-moving car just to retrieve his cigarette, which had blown out a window. --Reuters, May 30 Associated Press, May 23 BRINGING NEW MEANING TO TICKET-SCALPING Reba Schappell, a professional country music singer from Reading, Pa., who is also a conjoined-at-the-head twin with sister Lori, told a BBC radio audience, "When I am singing, Lori is like any other fan, except she's up on the stage with me [covered by a blanket to reduce the distraction]." Said Lori, "I do not ask for anything from Reba. I don't get in to her concerts free just because she's a conjoined twin. I have to pay, just like every other fan . . . ." --BBC, Sept. 21 TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: PLEASE LET GREGORY HANG OUT TODAY Gregory Withrow and an associate staged a protest at the California state capitol building in Sacramento against U.S. policy in Iraq and in favor of white supremacy, among other issues. The associate's job was to nail Withrow's hands to a cross so he could stand as a martyr. Withrow brought notes with him from a Butte County, Calif., health official (saying that Withrow's plan to hurt himself was "thoughtfully considered") and from the Sacramento parks department (acknowledging that no permit was needed for the crucifixion). --Sacramento Bee, April 21 Just Criminal DOES THE COP GET CREDIT FOR TWO COLLARS? Transsexual prostitute Monica Renee Champion, 37, was picked up by police in Richmond after arrest warrants for indecent exposure had been issued against her in the city's South Side, as a male, and in the North Side, as a female. --Richmond Times-Dispatch, Aug. 27 THE CLASSIC MIDDLE NAME (ALL NEW FOR 2005!) Once again this year, as a public service, we release this crucial homicide data: Charged with murder, awaiting trial: Darrell Wayne Maness, 19 (Wilmington, N.C.); Timothy Wayne Ebert, 39 (Cleveland, Tex.); John Wayne Blair, 49 (Sevier County, Tenn.); Derek Wayne Jackson, 18 (Norristown, Pa.); Nathaniel Wayne Hart, 34 (Austin, Tex.); Kenneth Wayne Keller, 42, (Denton County, Tex.); Ronald Wayne Lail, 43 (Burke County, N.C.); Timothy Wayne Condrey, 27 (Caroleen, N.C.); Roy Wayne Russell, 45 (Vancouver, Wash.); Jeremy Wayne Hopkins, 22 (Denton, Tex.); Reginald Wayne Thomas, 23 (Huntsville, Tex.); Matthew Wayne Almand, 18 (Melbourne, Fla.) Convicted of murder, but found insane: Emmanuel Wayne Harris, 28 (Bisbee, Ariz.) Sentenced for murder: Tyler Wayne Justice (Alice, Tex.); Douglas Wayne Pepper, 44 (Greensboro, N.C.) Awaiting a retrial after a judge overturned his murder conviction: Donald Wayne Shipe, 37 (Winchester, Va.) Committed suicide in a murder-suicide: Eric Wayne Jacobs, 27 (Castroville, Tex.); Michael Wayne Baxter, 30 (Edgewater, Md.) Executed for murder : Dennis Wayne Bagwell, 41; Lonnie Wayne Pursley, 43; Melvin Wayne White, 55 (all from Huntsville, Tex., the state penitentiary) Died of a drug overdose while serving two life terms for murder: Russell Wayne Wagner, 52 (Jessup, Md.) (He was buried at Arlington National Cemetery based on Army service in Vietnam. The son of Wagner's victims objected, prompting a congressional review. A 1997 law supposedly bars those convicted of capital crimes from being buried in a national cemetery.) Final note: Police in New Scotland, N.Y., arrested Corianna Thompson, 45, in April for the murder of her mother, then released her last month without charges while they investigate "additional leads." Thompson's birth name was Corey Wayne Balashek. Before his sex change, he served nine years in prison for the 1981 strangulation of an Albany nurse. Authorities believe Thompson/Balashek is the first American, let alone the first middle-name-Wayne, to be arrested for murder in both genders. Sources: Maness: Wilmington (N.C.) Star News, Jan. 19; Ebert: Houston Chronicle, Feb. 22; Blair: Knoxville News-Sentinel, April 29; Associated Press, May 28; Jackson: Philadelphia Inquirer, April 21; Hart: Austin American-Statesman, April 13, Nov. 3; Keller: Dallas Morning News, Aug. 14; Lail: Charlotte Observer, Sept. 22; Condrey: Daily Courier (Forest City, N.C.), Sept. 22; Russell: The Columbian (Vancouver, Wash.), Nov. 19; Hopkins: Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Nov. 22; Thomas: Houston Chronicle, Nov. 24; Almand: Orlando Sentinel, Nov. 30; Shipe: Winchester Star, May 4, Nov. 8; Harris: Associated Press, Jan. 20; Justice: Alice (Tex.) Echo-News Journal, Sept. 14; Pepper: Greensboro (N.C.) News & Record, Nov. 8; Bagwell: Associated Press, Feb. 17; Pursley: Associated Press, May 3; White: Associated Press, Nov. 3; Jacobs: Houston Chronicle, April 14; Baxter: The Capital (Annapolis), Oct. 8; Wagner: Washington Post, Aug. 5, 10; Thompson/Balashek: Albany (N.Y.) Times Union, April 11, Nov. 18 Chuck Shepherd writes the weekly syndicated column News of the Weird, which appears locally in Washington City Paper. His e-mail address isweirdnews@earthlink.net.</td></tr></table>

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