Define Cynical Fan Forums

Granted, but the only weather you can change it to is rain...of fire. (Though I'm not exactly sure if apocalyptic powers is an entirely bad thing...but I guess it really wouldn't come in much use until you see fit.)

I wish my xbox would come back from repairs already.

Granted, UPS drops it and you have to send it back to texas.

I wish I would get over my habitual procrastination.

I would grant your wish right now but there's a show I want to watch.

I wish pens didn't burst and bleed all on the inside of your pants pocket when you leave them in there all summer afternoon.

Granted; Now they supernova and bleed all on the inside of your pants pocket when you leave them in there all summer afternoon!
I wish I could meet Billy Mays.

Granted but when you do he trys to sell you some useless stuff.

I wish I wasn't a big procrastinator.

Granted but your ability to think up original wishes seems to have suffered.

I wish political leaders resolved their conflicts with staring contests.

USELESS?! I believe you forgot your maysology.

I would buy some oxyclean, mighty putty, hercules hooks, big city sliders, or any and everything else that man sells...for $19.99 with s&h.

Anyway...Granted. However, all staring contests end in heads exploding.

I wish I had a working bike...and It was summer, so I could actually use it.

Granted, but camouflaged fire hydrants are out to get you and your front tire the whole summer, and you spend most of it in traction.

I wish we could all just get along.

Granted but inorder for that to happen there has to be a war.

I wish that the quarter I have in my pocket would multiply by the number of things I saw that run on electricity.

Granted but a short occurs in one of the things you saw and a massive electrical discharge hits you and all the quarters superheat, burning your leg off.

I wish TV shows didn't suck so much nowadays.

Granted; instead of sucking, they now all blow.

I wish I had better, easier, and cheaper access to raisin-less brown bread, while still retaining both my interest and appetite.

Granted, but the unreasonable restrictions you place on the corruption of your wishes cause the Wish-Granters Company to send a jetliner crashing through your roof.

I wish everyone would recycle.

Granted; report to the Mulching Center for fertilizer duty, Citizen!

I wish my instructors would hurry up and teach me my stupid yellow belt form so I could test and, you know, actually frickin' BE a yellow belt.

I would grant your wish right now but there's a show I want to watch.

I wish pens didn't burst and bleed all on the inside of your pants pocket when you leave them in there all summer afternoon.

You didn't corrupt my wish, you just attempted to be clever. CORRUPT IMMEDIATELY.

I would grant your wish right now but there's a show I want to watch.

You didn't corrupt my wish, you just attempted to be clever. CORRUPT IMMEDIATELY.

That... Is correct.

I wish I would get over my habitual procrastination.

Granted, you now do everything immediately and in less than 5 seconds. Nothing has any quality to it though due to the speed with which it was done.

I wish my instructors would hurry up and teach me my stupid yellow belt form so I could test and, you know, actually frickin' BE a yellow belt.

Granted, they show you how to assume the form of a yellow colored belt, but not how to change back.

I wish for there to be a hole in the bottom of the sea, along with any death(s) that may or may not cause.