Define Cynical Fan Forums

If any you post anything related to cheese i will have to ask you to leave.

[22:37:47] <Dr_Dos> a piece of toast and an egg walk into a bar
[22:37:56] <Dr_Dos> and the bartender says "Sorry, we don't server breakfast here"

[22:39:03] <Dr_Dos> a piece of string walks into a bar, the bartender says "we don't serve string here"
[22:39:10] <Dr_Dos> so the string leaves and comes back the next day
[22:39:16] <Dr_Dos> again the bartender tells him they don't serve string
[22:39:33] <Dr_Dos> so the next day before going in the string messes up his hair and ties himself in a knot
[22:39:45] <Dr_Dos> he goes into the bar and the bartender says "hey aren't you that string that always comes in here?"
[22:39:54] <Dr_Dos> and the string says "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"
[22:40:03] <DanTheMan> that's horrible
[22:40:09] <MuffinSticks> I dont get it


[22:40:57] <Dr_Dos> a vampire sleeps all day in a coffin
[22:41:06] <Dr_Dos> which has wheels on the bottom for some reason
[22:41:12] <Dr_Dos> one day the vampire gets sick with a cold
[22:41:22] <Dr_Dos> and he coughs so hard he rolls out of the castle
[22:41:30] <Dr_Dos> he rolls into a pharmacy
[22:41:41] <Dr_Dos> and asks the pharmacist "do you have anything to stop my coffin?"

A lonely man realizes he can use some company and decides to get a pet. He goes to the petstore and tells the owner he wants something more unusual than a cat or dog. The owner suggests a centipede. The man thinks it's a little bit out there but purchases the centipede regardless.

When he gets home he's all excited and wants to go out and show everybody his new pet.

He says to the centipede "Hey, you wanna go to the bar with me and I'll buy you a drink?"

No answer.

So he assumed the cenipede didn't hear him, he asks again, louder, "YOU WANNA GO TO THE BAR AND GET A DRINK WITH ME?"

Still no answer.

He starts getting upset that his pet won't talk to him, but he gives it one more try when suddenly the centipede yells back

"I heard ya the first time I was just putting on my shoes!"

Here's a good joke:

Women's rights.

What's harder than nailing a cat to a tree?
My cock as I'm doing it.

I have now improved the quality of this thread.

A man's walking around one day and he finds a lamp on the ground. He rubs it and a genie pops out.

The genie says to him, "I'll grant you three wishes, but beware, whatever you wish for will happen twice over to your worst enemy".

The man makes his first wish: "I wish for a luxurious 10 story mansion to be my new home!"

Suddenly his house is a 10 story mansion. A moment later his neighbor who he cannot stand has his house turned into a 20 story mansion.

The man makes his second wish: "I want to have a dozen beautiful women!"

Suddenly he's surrounded by a dozen beautiful women. A moment later, two dozen women, twice as beautiful appear on his neighbor's lawn.

"You have one more wish left," the genie tells him.

"I want to lose a testicle."

Fun fact about the cheesehead hats: when you flip them over, they can fit 3 beers and a tray of nachos. And then they function as a hat and umbrella.

I should buy one, one of these days.

And to stay on-topic: Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

EDIT: Dos, another version of that I heard is that in the end he says, "Genie, take this stick and beat me half to death with it."

Trance is a joke.

The best one ever written.

EDIT: Dos, another version of that I heard is that in the end he says, "Genie, take this stick and beat me half to death with it."

And I've heard yet another version of it where he says
"You know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."

Here's a good joke:

Women's rights.

It's not Thursday.

Here's a good joke:

Women's rights.

It's not Thursday.

wat

Three married men die and go to heaven. When they get there St. Peter asks them how many times they've been unfaithful to their wives.

The first man says, "I confess that twice in my life I've cheated on my wife"

St. Peter tells him "Very well then, the car you'll drive in heaven is a Ford Focus."

The second man says, "Only once have I ever been unfaithful to my wife"

St. Peter tells him "You may have a Honda Civic."

The third man says, "I've been married to my girl for over 60 years. Not a day in my life have I ever been unfaithful to her nor would I ever have been unfaithful to her."

St. Peter tells him "You will have a ferrari."

Some time later the three men meet again and the third man looks depressed. They ask him how he could be sad when he has such a wonderful car.

The third man replies, "My wife just died the other day. They gave her a skateboard!"

Three explorers went to excavate an uncharted forest. After three hours they were captured by a tribe of canibals. They took them to the tribe leader and he made a deal with him. He said go into the forest and come back with 10 fruits of the same variety.

All explorers went into the forest while under supervision and came back with 10 fuits of the same variety.

The first explorer came back with 10 apples. The leader then said now shove them up your butt and if you make any kind of noise while doing it, we will kill you.

The first apple went in fine but when he started to shove the second apple he squeled. So they killed him.

The second explorer came back with 10 berries. He started shove them up his butt. When he got to 9 berries he started to chuckle. So they killed him.

When the two explorers met in heaven the first explorer said the second explorer, "Why did you laugh? You were so close."

The second explorer responded, "I laughed because I saw the third guy come back with pinapples."

Four nun's got in a car accident and died. Of course, they went up to heaven and St. Peter was waiting for them at the gate.

"Ladies, please confess your sins so that you may pass through the gates," says St. Peter. Well, naturally, the first nun walks up and says," "St. Peter, I must confess I once saw a man's penis!"

"Don't worry," says St. Peter, "go wash your eyes in that holy water and your sin will be forgiven."

The second nun comes up and says, "I must confess I once touched a man's penis!"

"Ohhh," says St. Peter, "that is truly a sin, but go and was your hands "in the holy water and your sins will be forgiven."

Meanwhile, in the backround the third and fourth nuns are going at it, yelling and cursing at each other. "What is the problem, that you should make so much noise at the gates of heaven?" asks St. Peter.

"Well," says the fourth nun, "if you expect me to gargle with that after she takes an enema with it, you're crazy!"

I heard another version of that joke but it included a bus full of catholic school girls.