Gnetwork Gnomes!!

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Well, that's the last time they trust me with a computer . . .<br><br>Produced while giving the "Samsonite Test" to <i>OpenOffice 1.1.5</i>. <br><br>There are no inside jokes here, none at all. <!--emo&:P--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' /><!--endemo--><br><br><!--QuoteBegin--> <table border='0' align='center' width='95%' ><tr><td class='quotetop'><b>Quote:</b> </td></tr><tr><td class='quotebody'> <b>Victor Micron and the Gnetwork Gnomes</b><br><br>In a far distant land, there lived a man named Victor Micron, who spent his days working to write for the Great King Apostrophe's book of chronicles.  King Apostrophe had spared no expense, and had purchased the newest and finest equipment for writing.  The electronic machines turned on and off, and made sweet chiming noises while Victor worked.  The machines also stored vast amounts of information, and Victor never again needed to clean up a spilled ink well or clean ink blots off of parchment, because all of the chronicles could now be stored and put into print that rivaled the most expensive print houses directly from the machines.<br><br>Now, Victor, being the good scribe that he was, also spent great amounts of time figuring out new and better ways to connect the wonderful machines together.  Victor had figured out that he could have a different machine in each room of King Apostrophe's court, and yet still work on the same chronicles from anywhere in the castle.  This worked very well until the day that Victor connected his wonderful electronic machines to the outside world through wires once only used when the King needed to talk to other kings in other far off lands.<br><br>When Victor connected the largest and most powerful of his wonderful machines to the wires and started to find more large and powerful machines in other castles far away, he found that his own electronic machines began to slow down, make less melodious tones, and to have trouble finding and saving the chronicles he had worked so hard to create.  Victor decided to open the case of one of his favorite electronic machines, just to see if there was anything obvious inside that was causing his grief.  The shiny MEHTUL and green and black plastic were totally mute on the point.  But then he was greeted by a pair of green glowing eyes that suddenly disappeared through the wires that connected this machine to the rest of the machines.<br><br>"What could this be, and what will it mean for me as I work on the chronicles?"  Victor thought to himself.  Victor pondered this problem, and decided that the problems had begun when he connected his wonderful machines to the wires leading to the outside world.  "First thing to do is to disconnect my machines from the wires to the outside."  Victor firmly determined.  "Then I must find a good way to rid this castle of the pests that are infesting King Apostrophe's wonderful writing machines."<br><br>When Victor disconnected his largest machine from the outside world, his problems went away for awhile, but he began to find things that were oddly out of place.  The King had always made sure that the castle was kept clean and free of rodents, but there were times when Victor came into a room to find that the wires on one of his electronic machines were gnawed through.  Odd things began happening in the chronicles as well:  Stories that had been majestic and noble in tone were slowly being rewritten as slapstick comedies, and it became harder and harder for Victor to find and replace the sections of his chronicles that had been maligned in this fashion.<br><br>Victor finally became so frustrated with these problems, that he began to call on scribes in castles close by to see if they had been having the same trouble.  Many of them had been jealous of King Apostrophe's chronicles, because their kings were not able to afford such luxuries, and not only had very little to contribute to the cause but taunted Victor as he sadly turned his back to them to return to his struggle.<br><br>In great frustration, Victor sat down on a rock in a mountain meadow between King Apostrophe's and King Splice's castles to consider his plight.  A wise old wizard passing on the road saw him sitting there with a forlorn expression on his face, and came to speak with him.<br><br>"Why are you so sad?"  The old wizard asked.<br><br>Victor sighed, "I do not know what to do.  I am scribe for King Apostrophe, and I have been having difficulties with my craft."  Victor went on and described the odd happenings of the past few weeks to the wizard, who perked up at the mention of the electronic machines, and began to have light of recognition in his eyes as he heard Victor's tale of woe.<br><br>"Mister Scribe, I believe there must be an infestation of gnomes in Apostrophe's castle.  To be more specific, they are Gnetwork Gnomes, that live and feed from the slow destruction of your electronic machines.  I have not dealt with them myself, and cannot come with you at this time, but from my study I believe that clamato might be the answer to your problem."  The wizard said after Victor finished.<br><br>"What is this clamato of which you speak?"  Victor asked, confused because this was a new word to him.<br><br>The wizard smiled,  "Clamato is the unholy mixture of clam broth and tomato juice.  It is the only thing vile enough to either cause gnomes to flee, or kill them outright."  The wizard thought for a moment and conjured a cask, marked "CLAMATO -- HANDLE WITH CARE", and gave it to Victor.<br><br>"Thank you, Mister Wizard, for your help."  Victor was glad that the wizard had been so kind as to provide clamato, since he had no idea where to find it and the closest stores were miles and miles away.  "Can we be of any service to you as you pass through our country?"<br><br>"You are welcome.  Thank you for your offer, but I must proceed on my way."  And the wizard, instead of continuing along the road, disappeared into thin air.<br><br>Victor returned to the castle, and proceeded to place the stinking fluid out in large bowls near his electronic machines.  The wire gnawing and changes in the chronicles ended very quickly.  Victor was able to find and repair all the damage done to his chronicles, and a certain calm returned to the kingdom.  Victor never saw the old wizard again, but remembered the advice, and passed it along to his fellow scribes in other castles when they began to use the same machines and have the same problems.  Victor lived for a very long time, and saw the day when a new King replaced the wonderful machines with newer, more wonderful ones.  But that is a story for another day.<!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table> <!--QuoteEEnd-->

[GhostWay]

Clamato! <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... iggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo--> <br><br>I'll take five cases.