A Presidential Conspiracy!?!?
Moderator:Æron
In the midst of some legalese buried deeper in the U.S. Constitution than anyone ever suspected, a couple botched attempts at fixing the election (not saying by which side or sides...), some <b>very</b> badly designed ballots that ended up selecting you as a write-in for the 32 most-populated states, and a conspiracy totally disavowed by the dragons (rumors are flying about it involving something shiny.), <b><span style='color:red'>you have been elected</span> <span style='color:blue'>president of the United States!</span></b> What are you going to do now that you are the commander in chief?<br><br><i>You are welcome to be as serious or comical about this as you wish, or maybe even both. I'm hoping we as a community might get a better idea of what we would like to see our leader accomplish as well as find a couple ways to have fun with it.</i>
- Henohenomoheji
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uh... what?
Miyo! Chikara no chizu!<br><br>Living proof that Ninja and Pirates can live together in peace, harmony, and fun at the expense of ye hapless townsfolk.<br><br>"<br>< e<br> -|-|-/ < <br>< e <br>_________/ <br>-------------------------<br><span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>Hey... On page 375 it says "Jeebus"...</span>
- Miles E Traysandor
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Lets see... I want to achieve...<br><br>World Peace<br>A Nation full of Random Harmless Conspiracies<br>Pies and rutabegas for everyone<br>A girl for all the remaning straight males on this forum (Seems to be dwindling with every passing day here <!--emo&:unsure:--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... unsure.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='unsure.gif' /><!--endemo-->) <br>Everything else you can think of... by NOT doing it.<br><br>So, that makes me a perfect presidential choice... Quite possibly <!--emo&:P--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... tongue.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='tongue.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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Remember, call in the next ten minutes to recieve your Absolutely Free Official Llewellyn Inaction Figure! [Shipping, Handling, and resulting Dragon Conspiracies not included]
Remember, call in the next ten minutes to recieve your Absolutely Free Official Llewellyn Inaction Figure! [Shipping, Handling, and resulting Dragon Conspiracies not included]
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Serious: Repeal the Second Amendment. Pull our troops out of everywhere. Allow gay marriage. Start peace talks with Israel and Palestine. Get other countries to like us. Allow naturized immigrants to become President.<br><br>Comical: Go on a game show. Go on The Simpsons. Hire DCS somewhere in my cabinet. Change the National Anthem to John Lennon's Imagine. Change the National Animal to the raccoon. Go to the Super Bowl and do the coin toss. Break up the Yankees. Hire Isolde as my Vice President. Install an arcade in the White House.
See?
My fellow Americans, in the past few months, several issues have crippled our great nation. Firstly, recent controversies of whether or not gays should be allowed to marry have split this nation apart. As commander in chief I say it's time to put a stop to this. Homosexuals have as much right to marry eachother as heterosexuals. Love is love, regardless if it's same-sex or not. Secondly, education seems to be declining rapidly. I think it is time to impliment a national curriculum. This would mean making sure that all schools would recieve new books every few years. Yes, this will cost alot of money; but in the long run I believe it will be worth the cost. Thirdly, this one is to all the parents out there; you need to stop blaming others for your in-ability to control your kids. It's not our job to teach your kids about sex, drugs, and alchohol. That's your job. Talk to your kids. Teach them right from wrong. Don't let television or video games raise your kids. Finally, I believe we should pull our troops out of Iraq now! We've no buisness to be there in the first place. Why are we there? Oil? It's about time we start looking for alternative methods of transportation. Some companies have begun making gas/electric hybrids. It's a start; but we need to do better if we're ever going to continue to thrive into the next century. Thank you and goodnight.
Killin' the first born of lyrical Yul Brynners.
<img src='http://zzt.the-underdogs.org/Dr_Dos/hairballballot.jpg' border='0' alt='user posted image' /><br><br>Presenting the hairball ballot.
Anami: Sex with a giant, black scorpion seems fun.
<SteveThePocket> Geez. I want more of this stuff now. Now I know how a horny guy on an imageboard feels.
<SteveThePocket> Geez. I want more of this stuff now. Now I know how a horny guy on an imageboard feels.
- Septimius Severus
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"Iff'n I'us elected mayor, I'd kill the lot o' ye an' burn th' town t' cinders."<br><br><br>I'd give the American people a choice-- I'd either build the military to huge size, invade any country with a non-representative government and set up a Pax Americana by conquering everyone not alligned with us, or I'd withdraw entirely from world affairs, bring all of our troops home, and let the world <span style='color:blue'>skrew</span> itself over. No more "peacekeeping" and no more waiting for hostile countries to make the first move. Either do it all (which would involve setting up democratic government in most of Africa to justify the policy of invading to liberate) or do nothing. Half-measures only bring resentment.<br><br><br>Since I have a split timeline, what comes next would be either immediate, or following the completion of overseas campaigns. I'd repeal income tax, and make up the difference by cutting the heart out of the federal budget. By that time, the military would need not be anywhere near so large as it is now, so a very large chunk of Defense spending could go. I'd set a cut-off age where people who have not yet paid FICA taxes will be exempt from Social Security. I'd get rid of the Federal department of Education, since Education is handled by the states, and the Federal wing is redundant. I'd simplify laws and place a quota on how many people may be lawyers in the US. (And get the states to do something similar.) I'd allow candidates to use federal funds to run campaigns if they demonstrate their popularity with petitions. If they were to use federal money, however, they would not be allowed to use donations of any kind.<br><br>I think it's a good start. I'd be a sort of Caesar Augustus. Except I like to think I'm better looking than he.<br><br>
Last edited by Septimius Severus on Wed Oct 13, 2004 11:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
¡Mueran todos los reyes!
- Henohenomoheji
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I would make mandatory polls with an other (please specify) choice and an "I don't know" choice. And I would take everything the polls said with a grain of salt.
Miyo! Chikara no chizu!<br><br>Living proof that Ninja and Pirates can live together in peace, harmony, and fun at the expense of ye hapless townsfolk.<br><br>"<br>< e<br> -|-|-/ < <br>< e <br>_________/ <br>-------------------------<br><span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>Hey... On page 375 it says "Jeebus"...</span>
- Septimius Severus
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- Henohenomoheji
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- Joined:Tue Oct 28, 2003 12:44 am
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Not toilet paper. After sending them out I have no idea where they've been.
Miyo! Chikara no chizu!<br><br>Living proof that Ninja and Pirates can live together in peace, harmony, and fun at the expense of ye hapless townsfolk.<br><br>"<br>< e<br> -|-|-/ < <br>< e <br>_________/ <br>-------------------------<br><span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>Hey... On page 375 it says "Jeebus"...</span>
I would legalize weed, gay marriages, and assault weapons (assuming the last guy bans them again). I would then tax the hell out of the richest 10% of the nation and dramatically slash taxes for the lowest income brackets, like Clinton did. I would then arrange for Anthrocon to be held at the White House, commission a whole furry movie from Dreamworks, imprison Bush for crimes of high treason, pardon everyone ever convicted of a crime involving marijuana or crimes against nature, and appoint David Simpson to the highest possible government position I can get him to, because he just rocks like that.<br><br>That's all I can think of right now, aside from the stuff that's too complicated to think of at the moment.
Take the money we're losing in Iraq and reappropriate it to scientific research to develop hydrogen power. Once we have this, we have no need for oil, and we can get the heck out of the middle east for good and let them solve their own problems now that the US and oil isn't a concern for them.
123456doit
- Septimius Severus
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If the Iraq war was for oil, why didn't we simply lift the self-imposed sanctions on Iraqi oil?<br><br><br>The war was not for oil. Period. You can make a good case that it was meant to improve the president's popularity, or a weaker case that it was to get rebuilding contracts (although that could have been done without an expensive war as well.) But the argument that we invaded Iraq to take their oil is ludicrous. That's like spending $500 for an automatic weapon to rob a convenience store of $40 worth of beer, assuming you can't use the gun again.
¡Mueran todos los reyes!
Repeal the naturalised citizens not being able to become president thing, set up a free trade agreement with the EU (trust me, if this were to actually happen, both sides of the Atlantic would benefit and the economic problems of China waking up wouldn't be as significant. It would increase benefits to both the US and European economies by essentially doubling the consumer base, plus it might actually get games released in the UK at the same time as the US), legalise gay marrage, ban smoking in public areas unless they are designated as smoking areas, legalise smoking weed in places that you can smoke (and impose the neccesary "don't do weed and drive laws"), raise taxes while also raising the minimum earnings to pay tax (both increasing federal funding and taking millions out of the tax bracket), ban hunting, institute a decent health-care system, institute a decent education system, increase funding into research of alternate fuel sources. Then wonder how the hell someone who's not an American citizen managed to become president of the US. And make an 'abstain' option on the election balets so that there is a way of abstaining without not voting (at the moment it's unknown how many people can't be arsed voting and how many people are genuinely not voting because all parties are useless)<br><br>As for the hair-ball balet, you do know that you've put two ways of abstaining and one way of actually voting (for Llewellyn) on that, right? <!--emo&:D--><img src='http://definecynical.mancubus.net/forum ... iggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' /><!--endemo-->
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