My Script for the O&M Fan Cartoon
Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:44 pm
Fan forum for Azumanga Daioh and Marty (and O&M to a limited extent)
https://definecynical.net/forum/
It could be. What would you like to see improved?overall i like it though there are parts that could be worked on. is that your rough?
Well, it's currently 4 minutes or there abouts. (Yeah. I just did a dry readthrough myself cuz I was board, using my VCR as a stopwatch. The time's probably up to a minute under, and since the VCR in question deals in minutes, that four minutes I quoted could be anywhere from three minutes and one second to four minutes and fifty nine seconds. Just did it to give some sort of highly approximate idea as to how long it is (0:59-4:00 to 0:00-4:59...)"Good start"? "So far"?
How long do you want this to BE?
You mean like write it out frame by frame? Like a storyboard?Hate to suggest it, but, maybe the actual format of the script?
Did I at least get Timulty right?Stephan mentioning vampires but not wittering off on some tangent about encountering a vampire in a tabletop rpg seems a slight waste, for example. Avery using peer pressure on someone else rather than succumbing to it seems slightly odd (at the mention of 'we need someone brave' I'd more expect Avery to forgo survival instincts and try and emulate some tv character in order to seem cool)
Neither are actual recomendations, just throwing the ideas out. Millie's dialogue may or may not seem slightly unnaturalistic, not sure. Since I'm very bad at judging that sort of thing (and worse at writing naturalistic dialogue), I highly recomend a second opinion on that.
Actually, the main thing bothering me was the part where Timulty runs at the mouth. I mean, has he ever done that before except with a song?Did I at least get Timulty right?