Jokes, Jokes, tell me Jokes.

[C.Cat]

It's a minimalist joke - Phillip Glass is a modern composer who uses minimalist techniques in his music

[LewisTheTank]

It's a minimalist joke - Phillip Glass is a modern composer who uses minimalist techniques in his music

Cute, clever, and precise.
You're going to have a TON of fun here!

[LewisTheTank]

Two kids were trying to figure out what game they could play.
One said, "I know, let's play doctor!"
"Good idea, "said the other one. "You operate, and I'll sue!"

[Segovia]

That reminds me of another joke.

There were two boys named Shut up and Trouble. One day Trouble ran away from home and their mom told Shut Up to look for him. Shut Up saw an officer and asked for his help.

He said,"What's your name son?"

"Shut Up"

The officer asked again, "What is your name?"

"Shut Up"

This time the officer was angry. "What is your name!?"

"Shut Up"

Are you looking for trouble son?

Yes have you seen him?

[LewisTheTank]

Speaking about trouble:

T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, 'T-G-I-F.'
He smiled at her and replied, 'S-H-I-T.'
She looked puzzled and repeated, 'T-G-I-F,' more slowly.
He again answered, 'S-H-I-T.'
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, 'T-G-I-F.'
The man smiled back to her and once again, 'S-H-I-T.'
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?'
The man answered, ''S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday --'

[Segovia]

Check out this rant by Lewis Black. Halarious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9iMgSNrwv4

[LewisTheTank]

Check out this rant by Lewis Black. Halarious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9iMgSNrwv4

YOU CAN BUILD NO MORE!

[shano]

hillarious !! loving this!

[LewisTheTank]

A group of W.Va. friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke! of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The owner of a golf course in West Virginia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the West Virginia University and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

[Hyperion]

So, a Pastor pays some local kids 100$ to buy some paint and paint his fence. Being the crafty sort, the kids decide to buy only one can of paint and water it down so they can pocket the extra cash. Well, it doesn't turn out like they planned - the fence is patchy and ugly looking from the watered down paint, and when the pastor sees this he's furious. Holding his Bible high, he advances upon the kids, yelling, "Repaint! Repaint, and thin no more!"

[Segovia]

reminds me of a Drawn Together episode where Clara says to Foxy repent and Foxy says we already painted. She says repaint in some sort of slang dialect that sounds simular to repent.

[Segovia]

A scene from dilbert episode one, The Name

Boss: Well, there is no use in killing a dead horse.
dilbert: You mean beating a dead horse.
Boss: Why would anyone beat a dead horse?
Dilbert: Why would anyone kill a dead horse?
Boss: Maybe He'll kick ya.
Dilbert: It's dead!
Boss: And so is everyone who used our flagship product.

[Segovia]

One day a son asked his father, "Dad, is God a man or a women?"

The father responded, "He is both, son."

Then the boy asked his father,"Dad, is God black or white?"

The father responded, "He is both son."

After some the thought the boy asked his father, "Dad, is God Michael Jackson?"

[edit] ooooohhh. Too soon. Sorry people.

[Dr. Sticks]

or more just, too elementary school.

[Segovia]

When Farrah got to heaven God gave her one wish. She wished all the children of the world to be safe... So he killed Michael Jackson... to soon?