Johnathan a Graphic Novelist?

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datherman
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Postby datherman » Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:09 am

Dialog in the third-to-last panel is really awkward. "wardrobe malfunction" is alright I guess, but "heighten your popularity level on the social ladder"? Nobody would ever say that in real life. I'd expect something a little more along the lines of, "Think of it this way. That little 'wardrobe malfunction' might just be your ticket to popularity, eh?"

Not all that much better, but an improvement nonetheless.

In any case though, the concept's kinda weak. No girl I know would say something like that out loud unless she actually wanted people to notice the "problem," in which case she wouldn't get mad at people who gave her the attention she wanted.

Keep working at it. The artwork's improving at least.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

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Segovia
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Postby Segovia » Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:20 am

Well I guess I could put off drawing to work on the writing for a while. I am trying my best to write I can tell you that. I'm not planning to write a joke for every page I do. If I wanted to do that then I would still be writing strips. What I really want to do is tell more of a series of events as they play out. This will just be one of those pages with attempted humor. Maybe I try to find one of my friends who can help me write the stips. I know I'm not going to ask my friend Chris. He'll just make this whole thing dark. Not that he's dark it's just that sometimes his writings could be a little depressing.

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MuffinSticks
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Postby MuffinSticks » Mon Apr 27, 2009 5:18 am

Sounds titillating. And scrumptious, and other barely applicable words for the situation. Get your friend to write half your strips for you.
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see, how far raine dog got placed in the background? take that you blue bitch

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Dr. Sticks
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Postby Dr. Sticks » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:48 am

yeah, anyone that would actually say "I hate it when I can't button my shirt all the way" would really be calling attention to the fact that she's a slut
http://www.spingain.com/?ref=146518
Well put doog. You never posted anything offensive whatsoever
we know she'll be back, like a good bitch should.

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Chris
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Postby Chris » Mon Apr 27, 2009 1:25 pm

Comic > Graphic Novel

Also, judging from the looks of your strips. They are more like a "Log" of your Character and not a Graphic Novel.

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nickspoon
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Postby nickspoon » Mon Apr 27, 2009 4:28 pm

yeah, anyone that would actually say "I hate it when I can't button my shirt all the way" would really be calling attention to the fact that she's a slut
I would not put that past the average teenage girl.
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Postby osprey » Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:20 pm

yeah, anyone that would actually say "I hate it when I can't button my shirt all the way" would really be calling attention to the fact that she's a slut
I would not put that past the average teenage girl.
I kid you not, I've heard someone say words to that effect.
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Dr. Sticks
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Postby Dr. Sticks » Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:57 pm

yeah, anyone that would actually say "I hate it when I can't button my shirt all the way" would really be calling attention to the fact that she's a slut
I would not put that past the average teenage girl.
I kid you not, I've heard someone say words to that effect.
but my point is that why would she get seriously upset when people do what she's wanting them to do? I could understand fake upset for attention but not full upset
http://www.spingain.com/?ref=146518
Well put doog. You never posted anything offensive whatsoever
we know she'll be back, like a good bitch should.

Segovia
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Postby Segovia » Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:36 pm

I'll let you guys babble on like that. For the meantime I am going to work on another project I have.

Edit: You guys are making is sound like Lora was talking to herself.
Edit: Maybe if you don't want more lame strip things maybe start offering some writing advice.
Edit: Doy! Why am I asking you all? *Goes to Da forum.*

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datherman
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Postby datherman » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:02 pm

Edit: You guys are making is sound like Lora was talking to herself.
...who is she talking to then? And why would she be telling it to him/her?
Edit: Maybe if you don't want more lame strip things maybe start offering some writing advice.
I don't see why you're blaming us for the problems you're having. All I can offer is this: just run it through your head and ask "does this sound awkward?" Chances are, if you can identify that it sounds weird, then you can think of a better way to word it.

Comics don't have to make sense if it's clear that they're not supposed to. It's when you try to make it make sense, and it doesn't, that you've got the problem.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

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Dr. Sticks
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Postby Dr. Sticks » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:24 pm

no, it's pretty obvious Lora is talking to roger. I'm just suggesting that she would most likely not bring attention to her large chest, and then get that upset over him checking it out.
http://www.spingain.com/?ref=146518
Well put doog. You never posted anything offensive whatsoever
we know she'll be back, like a good bitch should.

Segovia
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Postby Segovia » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:25 pm

Answer to the first question, She is talking to Roger. Why she was saying that I don't know why. Accept that.

Next statement. I am not blaming anyone I'm just asking for advice so I can stop annoying you all.

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Rooster
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Postby Rooster » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:37 pm

Spelling and grammer nazism is the last refuge of the trulley pedantic wankers of this planet.

The English language is constantly evolving. Take this common Birmingham phrase:

"Aw mate, oid skinna turd furra farthing"

Perfect.

Segovia
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Postby Segovia » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:43 pm

Curse my limited British Vocabulary! Umm... Oi! Bloke! Mind tell us what that bloody phrase means. Before I kick your arse on the pavement.

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MuffinSticks
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Postby MuffinSticks » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:52 pm

Spelling and grammer nazism is the last refuge of the trulley pedantic wankers of this planet.

The English language is constantly evolving. Take this common Birmingham phrase:

"Aw mate, oid skinna turd furra farthing"

Perfect.
There's nothing wrong with spellchecking comics. I just think some things are more important to have correct spelling.
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<Muninn> Too furry for saneville, too girly for boystown
see, how far raine dog got placed in the background? take that you blue bitch


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